Friends
“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”
Proverbs 18:24
So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about friends and friendship. What is a friend? Who are my friends? Someone commented to me recently that they could really tell who their friends were in the past while. Their friends were the people who didn’t question what they were doing but rather stayed by their side through what was going on at the time. Is that really the mark of true friendship, I ask myself. Is that really what a true friend does?
To answer this question for myself I have to ask myself who I consider to be my friends and what the characteristics of our relationships are.
When I think of friendship I think of something that has taken years to build and mature. Friendship is something that has stood the test of years and trials. When I think of a friend I think of someone who has seen me in the best of times and the worst of times. When I think of friendship I think of those people who really know what makes me tick. To my friends my identity does not depend on what I do with my facial hair. If I cut my sideburns off they might notice but then again they might not. They know me far deeper than what I grow on my face. When I think of friendship I think of those who I consider to be my closest friends. I think of guys like John and Jeff.
Jeff is someone who I cannot remember not knowing. He has always been there. Jeff’s parents moved into the neighbourhood when we were both tiny little babies. I have some very early recollections of going over to Jeff’s place and visiting when I was about 3 or so. For ease of figuring I tell people that Jeff and I have been close friends ever since we were 5 years old in kindergarten. When I was 8 my parents moved to a farm ½ a mile away from Jeff’s and we were now only about a 5 minute bike ride apart. The two of us spent countless hours together those summers growing up and a friendship developed that stands strong to this day.
The summer Jeff turned 18 I was living at my brother’s place helping him out on the farm for the summer. I can still remember my sister in law coming out of the house to inform us that Jeff, along with another friend Bevan, had been in an accident. Not much was known except for the fact that Bevan had died. Nothing was known of Jeff’s condition and whether or not he was even alive. I realized that night how close our relationship was. I spent the rest of the evening praying and worrying about Jeff. It wasn’t until about 11 PM that I received a phone call from our Pastor informing me that while Bevan had died Jeff was still alive and that he was in the hospital being treated fro non-life threatening injuries. Amazingly enough, Jeff escaped the wreck with a few scratches and a broken collar bone and maybe a cracked rib. The relief that I felt, knowing that my best friend was still alive is indescribable.
The next summer, the summer of ’96, Jeff and I spent an incredible amount of time together. While he was dating a beautiful girl, he still as able to make time to hang around with me, his single friend. We did a lot of crazy things that summer. That was the summer that Jeff persuaded me to ramp a BMX into a duck weed covered dugout. That was the summer that Jeff was able to scrounge some last minute tickets to go see Garth Brooks in Winnipeg. We had nosebleed seats. That was the summer we drove our mountain bikes, laden with supplies the nine miles to the Cybula Sandhills. We spent the night out there in a tent. It was a thing of friendship, sharing our time, sharing our feelings, telling each other who we liked and what our dreams were. That was also the summer when Jeff looked at me and said, “James, someday when I get married you are going to be my best man”. I returned his look and told him that he too would be my best man in the eventuality that I got married. Jeff made good on his promise in November of 1998. I still have yet to get to first base, so to speak, but be assured, I have not forgotten. When that day comes and I have to make a decision as to who will sign the papers at my wedding I won’t have to ponder the choice very long. As a matter of fact, that choice was made on an August day in 1996.
Jeff moved on and found a new best friend, namely his wife Sharon and it became more difficult to spend as much time with him as I had before. I now started to spend a lot of time with another friend named John.
I first got to know John when his parents started to send him to the same school I was attending. I was about twelve or so when he made his entrance into my life. We had a bit of a rocky relationship at times but after we both graduated from high school we started spending more and more time together. It got to the point where I was just as comfortable at his parent’s house as at mine. I would almost make a habit of dropping in at his parents when there was a family gathering going on just so that I could hang out with the family. John and I spent so much time together that we could finish each other’s sentences. Each understood the other’s sense of humour.
John is also married now and I had the privilege of standing along side him at his wedding this past August.
These are only two examples of friends that I have. They are not friends from the past. They are friends in the present. They were there in the past and they are here now. I don’t talk to them as often as I would like but it doesn’t take much to get back into things when we do talk. When I look at the characteristics of these friendships I see guys who did stand by me when I was having good times as well as bad. I also see guys who looked at me and called me on the things that I was doing, especially Jeff. I considered him to be my best friend and yet sometimes he would make me very upset with the way he would question the things I was doing. If I have ever met a realist Jeff is the one. He says things the way he sees them and sometimes has taken the risk of offending me by doing this. At the time I usually don’t want to hear what he has to say but after some thought, reflection and prayer I realize that what he has said is true, I just didn’t want to hear it. I have had some of the same experiences with John.
The moral of this story? When times of crisis come, yes, your friends are going to be the ones who stick beside you through it all, but they may also be the ones who look at you and yell, “WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?” Your true friends may very well be the ones who make you angry. They may very well be the ones who don’t seem to understand (or so it seems to you). Your true friends will most likely be the ones who challenge you on the decisions you are making. They will also be the ones who support you in the decisions you make. Your true friends care about you enough to not care what you think of them when they call you on things you are messing up. They care about you enough to warn you that you are doing stupid things. In the end, your true friends will be there waiting for you. I know this because I have friends, and that is what they do.
“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”
Proverbs 18:24
Proverbs 18:24
So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about friends and friendship. What is a friend? Who are my friends? Someone commented to me recently that they could really tell who their friends were in the past while. Their friends were the people who didn’t question what they were doing but rather stayed by their side through what was going on at the time. Is that really the mark of true friendship, I ask myself. Is that really what a true friend does?
To answer this question for myself I have to ask myself who I consider to be my friends and what the characteristics of our relationships are.
When I think of friendship I think of something that has taken years to build and mature. Friendship is something that has stood the test of years and trials. When I think of a friend I think of someone who has seen me in the best of times and the worst of times. When I think of friendship I think of those people who really know what makes me tick. To my friends my identity does not depend on what I do with my facial hair. If I cut my sideburns off they might notice but then again they might not. They know me far deeper than what I grow on my face. When I think of friendship I think of those who I consider to be my closest friends. I think of guys like John and Jeff.
Jeff is someone who I cannot remember not knowing. He has always been there. Jeff’s parents moved into the neighbourhood when we were both tiny little babies. I have some very early recollections of going over to Jeff’s place and visiting when I was about 3 or so. For ease of figuring I tell people that Jeff and I have been close friends ever since we were 5 years old in kindergarten. When I was 8 my parents moved to a farm ½ a mile away from Jeff’s and we were now only about a 5 minute bike ride apart. The two of us spent countless hours together those summers growing up and a friendship developed that stands strong to this day.
The summer Jeff turned 18 I was living at my brother’s place helping him out on the farm for the summer. I can still remember my sister in law coming out of the house to inform us that Jeff, along with another friend Bevan, had been in an accident. Not much was known except for the fact that Bevan had died. Nothing was known of Jeff’s condition and whether or not he was even alive. I realized that night how close our relationship was. I spent the rest of the evening praying and worrying about Jeff. It wasn’t until about 11 PM that I received a phone call from our Pastor informing me that while Bevan had died Jeff was still alive and that he was in the hospital being treated fro non-life threatening injuries. Amazingly enough, Jeff escaped the wreck with a few scratches and a broken collar bone and maybe a cracked rib. The relief that I felt, knowing that my best friend was still alive is indescribable.
The next summer, the summer of ’96, Jeff and I spent an incredible amount of time together. While he was dating a beautiful girl, he still as able to make time to hang around with me, his single friend. We did a lot of crazy things that summer. That was the summer that Jeff persuaded me to ramp a BMX into a duck weed covered dugout. That was the summer that Jeff was able to scrounge some last minute tickets to go see Garth Brooks in Winnipeg. We had nosebleed seats. That was the summer we drove our mountain bikes, laden with supplies the nine miles to the Cybula Sandhills. We spent the night out there in a tent. It was a thing of friendship, sharing our time, sharing our feelings, telling each other who we liked and what our dreams were. That was also the summer when Jeff looked at me and said, “James, someday when I get married you are going to be my best man”. I returned his look and told him that he too would be my best man in the eventuality that I got married. Jeff made good on his promise in November of 1998. I still have yet to get to first base, so to speak, but be assured, I have not forgotten. When that day comes and I have to make a decision as to who will sign the papers at my wedding I won’t have to ponder the choice very long. As a matter of fact, that choice was made on an August day in 1996.
Jeff moved on and found a new best friend, namely his wife Sharon and it became more difficult to spend as much time with him as I had before. I now started to spend a lot of time with another friend named John.
I first got to know John when his parents started to send him to the same school I was attending. I was about twelve or so when he made his entrance into my life. We had a bit of a rocky relationship at times but after we both graduated from high school we started spending more and more time together. It got to the point where I was just as comfortable at his parent’s house as at mine. I would almost make a habit of dropping in at his parents when there was a family gathering going on just so that I could hang out with the family. John and I spent so much time together that we could finish each other’s sentences. Each understood the other’s sense of humour.
John is also married now and I had the privilege of standing along side him at his wedding this past August.
These are only two examples of friends that I have. They are not friends from the past. They are friends in the present. They were there in the past and they are here now. I don’t talk to them as often as I would like but it doesn’t take much to get back into things when we do talk. When I look at the characteristics of these friendships I see guys who did stand by me when I was having good times as well as bad. I also see guys who looked at me and called me on the things that I was doing, especially Jeff. I considered him to be my best friend and yet sometimes he would make me very upset with the way he would question the things I was doing. If I have ever met a realist Jeff is the one. He says things the way he sees them and sometimes has taken the risk of offending me by doing this. At the time I usually don’t want to hear what he has to say but after some thought, reflection and prayer I realize that what he has said is true, I just didn’t want to hear it. I have had some of the same experiences with John.
The moral of this story? When times of crisis come, yes, your friends are going to be the ones who stick beside you through it all, but they may also be the ones who look at you and yell, “WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?” Your true friends may very well be the ones who make you angry. They may very well be the ones who don’t seem to understand (or so it seems to you). Your true friends will most likely be the ones who challenge you on the decisions you are making. They will also be the ones who support you in the decisions you make. Your true friends care about you enough to not care what you think of them when they call you on things you are messing up. They care about you enough to warn you that you are doing stupid things. In the end, your true friends will be there waiting for you. I know this because I have friends, and that is what they do.
“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”
Proverbs 18:24
posted by unclejames @ 10:11 PM
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