A Few One Liners I Found

Guests who kill their talk show hosts. On the last Donahue.
9 out of 10 doctors say the 10th doctor should mellow out.
“Alex, I’ll take ‘Things Only I Know’ for $200″
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Corduroy pillows - they’re making headlines!
Death called while you were out, so I gave him your pager number.
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
Sheep don’t fly so much as plummet.
“My greatest fear is that no one will remember me after I’m dead.” - some dead guy